Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
