two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
