I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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