When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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