I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
