Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
