My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Randomize
