I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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