I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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