I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
