Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
