Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
