btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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