i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
