I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize