so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
MIDGETS
????
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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