i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
