Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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