your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
