Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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