I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
