I like my sex mixed with concussions.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
