Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I AM VODKA MAN
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
