3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
