Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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