Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I looked at my own cervix.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
