And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
