She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
