You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
