currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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