omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
wow bdsm is so cute
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