Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
