i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
