the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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