Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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