I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Everclear isn't food dammit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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