You smell like stripper and shame
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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