five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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