I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
