He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the liver wants what the liver wants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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