I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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