I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
