Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
