Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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