If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
