Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
