where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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