Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
