party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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