it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
