Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
