he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
