We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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