I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize