I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
