I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
