If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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