How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
