My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
