did you get engaged???
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
