he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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