There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
