I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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