and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize