everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
