i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
