her facebook's as public as her vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm always down for nudity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
