What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
