who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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