I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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