If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
