I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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