We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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