Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
