I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
