Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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