I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
