I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how drunk are you?
Several
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
