i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
