I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
