I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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