dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
