Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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