Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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