She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
