I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
